five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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