i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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