we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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