normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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