Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
