it was like his penis was on wheels.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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