its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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