Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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