If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
