I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
