he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
