U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
