Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
