Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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