Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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