D3 body, D1 cock
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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