i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
