You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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