I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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