Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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