Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
