she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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