i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just had sex bonerless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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