When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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