it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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