I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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