So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
