your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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