Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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