Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
