yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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