I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
