I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
