wat bout pragnant strippers??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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