Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
