I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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