im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
