he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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