Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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