haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
