I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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