Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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