yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
