i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
