You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
someone owes me an orgasm
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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