I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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