is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
