Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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