PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
