god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
