I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
