Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
