I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
