my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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