you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
