I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
