True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your penis caused this!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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